


The Road to Nowhere

by theneonpineapple



Series: Welcome to Kepler [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Barn Raising, Canon Compliant, Gen, Post Calamity Tree, Pre-Relationship, Slice of Life, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 23:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17796809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theneonpineapple/pseuds/theneonpineapple
Summary: A sinkhole opened up in Kepler. The town copes.





	The Road to Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics from this incredible Radical Face song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVBzMuSEf3g
> 
> Part of my Kepler project, but a little different this time because it's focused on Kepler as a community and not a single location! Scenes from town hall, the Lodge, and Main Street this time. Kat from the General Store fic makes a reappearance, too!

 

> _Sifting through the hiccups of time_  
>  _We'll hide in the bones of the city_  
>  _The engines sing along with their cries_  
>  _This song, it spells disaster_  
>  _But it's buried beneath the laughter_

"Main Steet should be operational again in June," said the mayor, to a chorus of groans.

"Main Street can't be down til _June_ ," Aubrey hissed.

Ned patted her leg. "Have a little faith in Kepler, Aubrey."

"Pocahantas County is over budget on infrastructure allocations for the fiscal year," the treasurer explained. "We've been in touch with the state about emergency funds but that's still going to put the timeline out until June at the least."

Aubrey was seething. "This is such bullshit."

"It's not Kat's fault," said Duck, nodding to the treasurer, who was frowning but nowhere near as visibly upset as Aubrey – and next to her, Duck was downright calm. "Kepler's not exactly a priority," he added.

"Because we don't make much tax revenue."

"Yeah. That's exactly why."

The mayor moved through a few other points of order, including a petition Ned had filed to make the Cryptonomica a legally protected cultural heritage site – summarily denied, to general amusement – and then ended the town hall without so much as a further word about the fact that Main Street had a giant sinkhole in the middle of it.

"Zeke," called the mayor. "You're still comin' round to my house for supper on Wednesday, aren't you?"

"Heading there straight from work," the sheriff answered.

They smiled, and Ned huffed a quiet laugh.

"They're making _dinner plans_?"

"It's Kepler, Aubrey," said Ned. "A strange little town, to be sure."

"Ned, how can you be okay with this? And _Duck_!"

Duck shook his head. "Look, just… Don't make plans for Wednesday, okay?"

And with that mysterious pronouncement, Duck nodded to them both and made his excuses to leave – he had gotten a ride from Juno, since he was _just a dude_ and couldn't run home anymore.

* * *

 

> _So I will keep myself apart_  
>  _from shining eyes and privileged boredom_  
>    
>  _The thing that I've learned from unusual blood_  
>  _Is never touch a person's comfort_

There was always a mind-boggling amount of food being made in the Lodge, but this was… insane.

Barclay had been browning ground chuck all morning, and for the sin of asking what he was doing Aubrey was quickly sentenced to scrubbing root vegetables. But Dani was also helping, so she couldn't exactly complain. Nor did she want to. This was the happiest she'd seen Dani since their conversation the day they stopped the last Abomination – she was trading jokes with Aubrey and Jake, and ribbing Barclay, all the while scrubbing carrots.

"Okay, so, walk me through this again?"

"It's called roux, and it's used to thicken stews," Dani explained.

"And the fifteen pounds of ground chuck?"

"It's twenty-five, actually."

"Je-ee-ez," said Aubrey. "Okay, the _twenty-five_ pounds of ground beef?"

"It's the protein for the stew."

"Okay, but – that's a crazy amount of food."

"Mm," said Dani.

"Why is everyone keeping a secret from me today?"

"We're just making food, Aubrey, like we always do. There might be some leftovers today, but—"

" _Some_? Barclay, how many people does a pound of ground beef feed in this recipe?"

"Oh, I'd say four, assuming Jake isn't eating."

"Hey!" Jake yelped. "I'm a growing boy."

"You're literally not," said Dani.

"That's a hundred people."

Barclay was smiling as he portioned out the roux into the huge stockpots that were covering every burner but the one he'd been using to brown beef and the weird roux gunk. "Hm. We definitely don't have a hundred people here. I guess there _will_ be leftovers, then."

"You are keeping _secrets_ ," Aubrey accused him.

On cue, Stern's face appeared in the kitchen window. "Wow," he said. "This is a lot of food."

"Don't say that," said Aubrey. "That's how I got roped into helping."

Barclay laughed, and so did Dani and Jake, damn them. Somehow being in here, bumping against Dani and Jake as they scrubbed and chopped root vegetables with her, made it easier to accept even the fucking _fed_ among them, and make jokes.

Of course, that was when Stern said, "Want any help?"

"Well, uh," said Barclay.

"It's kind of… Lodge business?" Aubrey said.

"Oh. Right. Sorry, I just – kind of miss cooking, you know?"

Jake looked at Barclay, and something passed between them, and Barclay sighed and said, "All right, get in here, and scrub up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. C'mon."

"What the fuck?" Aubrey mouthed at Dani, who shrugged and nodded to Jake.

Jake gave Aubrey big, sad eyes. "He misses cooking!" He whispered, not quite quietly enough to be subtle.

Aubrey motioned around with the scrubbing brush to indicate the four of them – three cryptids and _a fuckin' magic user_ – and Jake frowned a little and pantomimed a tear running down his face and then a loop with his finger and a single finger outside that loop. _He's lonely_.

"He's a FED," Aubrey mouthed.

Jake shrugged.

"So, what do you normally cook?" Dani asked Stern.

"Oh, whatever I got a chance to. I used to order, uh, Blue Apron? It's hard to eat healthy living in the city. Nothing like here."

"Actually, places with high poverty rates like Kepler tend to have poorer diet," said Aubrey. "So."

Dani turned to stare at her.

"Aaaanyway," said Barclay. "Stern, if you don't mind chopping duty, I think that pile of – " he paused, looking at Aubrey. " – Uh, the carrots next to Jake are all clean."

"Not a problem at all."

"Dani, take the potatoes from Aubrey and start chopping them – fourths and sixths, I think, I want the chunks pretty big, they'll be cooking long enough."

"Mind if I ask what we're cooking for?" Stern asked as he deftly chopped the carrots into the size that Barclay indicated – bigger than just slices, to make big chunks, almost like the potatoes.

"To eat," said Barclay.

And suddenly, the way everyone had been dancing around Aubrey's questions all day became funnier when they were doing it to Stern. At least until she finished scrubbing and had to start shucking ears of corn.

* * *

 

> _Sifting through the hiccups of time_  
>  _We'll hide in the bones of the city_  
>  _The engines sing along with their cries_  
>  _This song, it spells disaster_  
>  _But we drown it out with laughter_

Snow still covered the ground in Kepler, West Virginia. And yet the citizens were out in full force all along a stretch of Main Street, bundled up, some of them sitting in the backs of trucks, some out with camp chairs and portable heater.

A ring of trucks and vans, including Mama's truck, had formed in the parking lot of St. Francis Medical Center. Folding tables began to appear amid them. Mama and Barclay unloaded an enormous pot of stew and set it up on one of the tables.

Kat, town treasurer and math teacher at Kepler Elementary, sat down behind one of the tables with a lockbox and a calculator. Her wife and Leo Tarkesian set up a battered orange drink dispenser on another table, alongside sleeves and sleeves of cups.

Duck and Juno unrolled an enormous extension cord, and while Juno taped it down, Duck could be heard giving fire safety tips to anyone who would listen. Space heaters and a coffee machine made an appearance, and then Calvin Owens – helped by Pigeon Wilson – brought over a gigantic crockpot and disposable metal pans covered in foil. Pete and Vicky Wilson wheeled up coolers.

And steadily, steadily, people came up. There wasn't rhyme or reason to the money that exchanged hands – some people gave twenty dollars and took only a cup of coffee, some children handed over crumpled dollars and got as much of Barclay's stew and Leo's hot cocoa as they could carry. Leo had a blue metal tin that had once held shortbread cookies but now held an obscene number of miniature marshmallows that could be scooped out for expectant children, and also Ned Chicane. Who actually parted with five whole dollars.

Aubrey perched in the back of Mama's truck, nestled between Dani and Jake under an oversized colorful afghan, and tried to balance a cup of stew, a plate of cornbread and chili, a can of Cheerwine, and a cup of hot cocoa.

"Is this some sort of stealth bake – er, stew – sale?"

"No sales here," Dani said.

"Uh," said Aubrey, pointing to Kat.

"Kat was at home all night," said Dani. But she nudged Aubrey and said, "Look at the sinkhole."

In the sinkhole, there were a couple of guys working, and Kat's wife had climbed down to help them.

"What are they doing?"

"Definitely not fixing the water lines. That's an official city function, and we don't have the budget or authorization for it."

"Should we… help them?"

"Oh, no, they've definitely got it, we do this all the time," said Dani.

Before Aubrey could reply, she heard Ned's voice, amplified by a set of speakers Kirby was still setting up. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you direct your attention to the side of the building, you will see the 1956 classic, _The Creature Walks Among Us_. If you enjoy this impromtu viewing, please tune in to Saturday Night Dead this week for _Revenge of the Creature_ , and visit the Cryptonomica for the wondrous and mysterious—" He was drowned out by a feedback whine.

A smattering of applause, possibly for the feedback, and some whoops – Aubrey among them – and the movie started up, projected against the side of the medical center.

"Careful," said Dani, low in Aubrey's ear. "I hear there's _really_ creatures among us."

"Spooky," Aubrey said. "Maybe I should stick close to you."

Dani grinned, and a warm arm looped easily around Aubrey's back. "Maybe you should."

In the bed of the truck, surrounded by very warm blankets, as well as his little hand-knit sweater, Dr. Harris Bonkers sniffed the air until Jake produced a secret stash of carrot chunks.

* * *

 

> _And our eyes_  
>  _They were always pointed at the sky looking for an answer_  
>  _And our hands_  
>  _They were stained in black and grey busy solving problems_

Duck climbed into the truck as the movie came to an end. The people who'd been fixing the water lines were making their way out of the sinkhole to plates laden with food and a fresh pot of coffee, and Juno weaved among the crowds with a bag for recycling while Pigeon gathered trash.

"Enjoyin' the movie, ladies, Jake?"

"It's a good film," said Aubrey, who'd seen maybe three scenes, listening instead to Barclay and Mama's lively debate about the merits of the corn in the stew, and then whether sweet cornbread or regular cornbread was better, and if sweet cornbread ought to be made with honey or not. They seemed to agree for the most part, and yet they'd filled over an hour with bickering.

"The next part is the fun bit."

"What do you mean?"

Duck just smiled and made himself a spot in the tailgate. Ned came over with another cup of mostly marshmallows, some cocoa, and hopped up next to him. "A fine evening, my friends," he said, "very productive indeed. What a shame Sheriff Owens had prior engagements, or he might have quite a few people to arrest."

"This place is a hotbed of criminal activity," Duck agreed. "The unregulated food alone. Who knows who could've been involved in cooking that?"

"Some absolute hooligans," said Aubrey. "Hey, you're lying pretty well, Duck!"

"Nah, I'm just bein' sarcastic – one of my few remainin' skills."

"Aww," Dani said.

"You're really good at it," Jake chimed in.

In the gaggle of Kepler citizens, a small pocket formed around a couple of outsiders. A strange-looking tall man stood next to a handsome man in a pea coat, close to a completely illegal space heater. "Fascinating, isn't it?" The tall man said. His wide smile gleamed in the falling dusk. "The resilience of humanity in the face of disaster."

"I have to say, I really admire this town," said the man in the wool coat.

A third man, large and muscular, slipped through the crowd to move closer to the warmth. "Hullo," he greeted the others perfunctorily.

"There's going to be a bake sale to help rebuild the funicular," the tall man said. "It's equally unauthorized, but it will be blessedly indoors."

"That's wonderful," said the second.

The third man said, "Indoors sounds like a pretty good idea, right about now. It's bloody cold."

The others both murmured agreement, and then fell back into the strange and comfortable silence of three moving pieces in their own little orbits.

In Mama's truck, Duck pointed out a line of approaching pick-up trucks.

Aubrey leaned forward, gloved hands curled around her third cup of cocoa, and watched as they all backed up to the sinkhole and people climbed into the backs with snow shovels and helped moved rubble and gravel out of the back to fill the hole, and slowly, what had been a gaping hole in the ground became nothing more than an inconvience, a patch of unpaved dirt along the road.

And money was portioned out – to drivers, to people who'd spent hours down in the sinkhole doing repairs, and to Barclay and Leo, who both refused it, shaking their heads – and Barclay presented the people who'd helped with dishes full of stew to take home, and Pigeon helped Juno roll up the extension cord.

Aubrey could hear snippets of conversation – someone was offering sod for the strip of grass between the road and the hospital but Leo had spare garden soil and grass seed from his ruined inventory, and the next morning there would be donuts and concrete pouring for the curb and the sidewalk, and there was discussion of when someone would be able to borrow their cousin's boss's asphalt truck – as the people of Kepler began to disperse through the freshly fallen snow.

"The mayor picked their name right," said Duck.

"Ash Maverick," Ned said, "a true rebel with a cause."

"So, the whole town's in on this, but we can't talk about it?"

Ned spread his hands. "The all-important plausible deniability. And it makes it more exciting, doesn't it, the air of mystique?"

"The mayor and the sheriff can't _exactly_ break the law all openly, but for that matter Kat shouldn't either. She made the chili. And that's the mayor's coffee maker. Ash's got my vote for the re-election, the one at the station we were gonna bring always burns it, just a little."

"This is incredible," Aubrey said, still staring at what had once been a sinkhole.

"Bet they stole the gravel from the old quarry, too," said Jake.

"Ooh, yeah," Dani agreed.

Duck looked at her and smiled. "You know, I don't think I ever said, given that you were trying to burn down the forest when we met—"

"And you scolded me like a child, yes, I _know_."

"—but given how riled up you were on Sunday about just the thoughta Kepler being left with that sinkhole for months, I wanted to say. Welcome to Kepler, Aubrey. Little late, but."

"No," Aubrey said. "No, it's not late at all. Well, it is, but I don't care."

"Yes, you're a very fine addition to our fair town," said Ned. "Say, do you three want to help with my contributions to the upcoming funicular bake sale?"

 

> _And our backs all bear the load of all the things we'll never know until it breaks us_  
>  _And in the comfort of the Earth we will not wonder what we're worth_  
>  _No, we will sleep soundly_  
>  _All along the Road to Nowhere_

**Author's Note:**

> Ash Maverick is named for Ash from the Danbrey server, thanks Ash!
> 
> tumblr @keplersheetz, give Kepler a Sheetz 2k19, griffin!!!


End file.
